He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
