He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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