My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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