I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
