I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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