Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
