You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
