bring money and cleavage
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am available for nakedness
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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