You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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