Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize