You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
