Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize