good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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