I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
