dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
