I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
