am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize