no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
