You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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