I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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