I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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