just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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