Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
