so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
