you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the raccoons are back...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
