You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How external is "for external use only"?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
