I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
