It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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