woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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