The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
