i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
