i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
