After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You ruined the universe
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
