tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
