First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
