Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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