why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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