it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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