dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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