there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
