PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
