he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
