Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
