it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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