a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
