Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
