Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
