I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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