he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
