I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
