And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Never joke about your clitoris.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
