i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
