Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
