Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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