The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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