do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
