I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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