dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
