was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize