Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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