I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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