Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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